Tag: PSA

A good friend of mine recently escaped a horrendously toxic relationship. I can’t stop congratulating him/her for dodging a massive bullet. I had my fair share of terrible relationships and while mine may not be as toxic as my friend’s it was as regrettable. 

The thing is, when you’re in the situation it is really hard to see anything clearly. While many may tell you that you definitely should run… your heart says… no. “S/he may change”. “We may work things out”. “I have my own faults too”. “I contributed to this too”. Its really tough, and trust me I know. I remember when I was in a relationship with this horrible guy who wouldn’t stop threatening to break up with me, at one point I could no longer cry. My close friends asked me, “aren’t you tired of all these by now?”. I was, I definitely was; and yet I still didn’t leave him! I waited until he left me because I just doesn’t know how to initiate a breakup anyway ಠ⌣ಠ

  1. S/he does not mix well with your friends, and does not intend to

Hmm, I get it, not everybody get along. I don’t get along with every single Mojujuju’s friend either. But most importantly, there should be a sense of wanting to be amicable. We recently went to a group holiday in the forest where we celebrated Mr. Monday’s birthday there. Those friends were Mojujuju’s friends and each couple has a child. We had so much fun! Granted I’m quite introverted so I did stayed back for some social events but we were able to enjoy holiday together!

Meanwhile my friend’s ex came over to my place (I literally invited this person and cooked for this person), and s/he was offended (over absolutely nothing) and gave me a dirty look in my own house! S/he also proceed to “$£% about me to my friend and said s/he would never again hang out with me. Cool enough, maybe we just don’t get along; however this apparently also applies to all my friend’s other friends!!!

Like I said, you don’t need your significant other to be BFFs with your friends; but if s/he doesn’t get along with ANYONE even superficially, don’t you think there’s something wrong? Unless your friends consists of all high profile criminals and drug addicts, s/he should respect them enough to be able to socialise!

2. Wanting to change your core beliefs, whether you like it or not.

This applies on so many things but the easiest way to explain it is probably religion. I do think that introducing your religion to your lover is something really sweet and loving. Especially in my opinion, spirituality is a very personal thing; hence it’s a little like having to open up your entire self to this other person. And the end result is usually an acceptance, if not an embrace of the religion. 

But sadly this isn’t always the case. Mojujuju did introduced me Christianity and while I appreciated it very much, my heart still doesn’t speak to me about it. I strongly believe that if I were to embrace a religion, I would embrace it wholly and completely. I just can’t have even a single doubt on it. I can’t say I’m a Muslim but I don’t fast. I’m a Christian but I don’t believe in Angels. And Mojujuju understood that. As I’ve mentioned, faith is a personal thing; and it should be up to the individual. It’s between an individual and ‘God’, no one else.

But when your significant other is forcing you to change your core belief, such as religion, even after you’ve tried your best and it still doesn’t resonate with you… why is s/he doing it?

3. It’s all your fault

I think this is the hardest one to realise because when you’re with a toxic person, they can really somehow brainwash you to the point you actually believe that you’re wrong!

S/he went out to flirt with others? it’s your fault for having to work overtime and leave him/her lonely.

S/he got angry and broke some belongings out of rage? It’s your fault for making him/her mad!!

You’re having trouble adjusting to this ‘new core belief’ she wanted you to believe in? It’s your fault for not trying hard enough.

Basically s/he could get away with things that goes against the mutual agreement of what an exclusive relationship is, because it must be something you’ve done.

Another massive red flag? Every relationship failure is because of his/her exes; never him/her.

4. S/he wants you to stop talking to your friends

This is when things start to get creepy. Why would a person who love you want you to stop any form of contact with your friends (especially those you’ve known for years before you met this person?).

It’s called social isolation; to isolate you from others so you will be more easily influenced by him/her

5. Threatening to break up

If you’re breaking up once a month, better say sayonara. Breaking up should be the last resort; not as a means to control the other person. If you truly have an issue and you’re NOT changing for the better, it’s logical to want to break up with you; but if you clearly suck, then s/he should just say goodbye to you. But why repeated break up threats? It’s just tiring.

Mr. Monday started having seriously high fever on Sunday night. Mojuju nursed him throughout the night but his fever did not go down.

“He’s roasting like a pig!” Mojuju tried to dress him to nursery. “I don’t think he can go nursery like this.”

“I don’t wanna go school,” Mr. Monday was whining half asleep.

So for the past 2 days he has been at home with me. His fever was manageable on calpol and neurofen and he ate all his meals too. On Monday night I checked him for Kawasaki signs (more info here) , which reassured us as we went to bed. I was however increasingly concerned about his flushed face. It wasn’t just the red cheeks that bothered me, there was something odd about his appearance which now I realise; his entire face was red except around his lips!

As if one sick child wasn’t enough, Lil’ Tuesday started to have chicken pox symptoms on the day itself

Tuesday (the day, not the baby lol) was brutal. Mr. Monday was having high fever all day, while Lil’ Tuesday’s chicken pox was full blown. Poor girl had fluid filled rashes (like really full of water) all over her body AND genitals, AND FACE, AND LIMBS. She’s only 4 months and doesn’t know what itch means, or what scratching is. She was generally irritable, uncomfortable, wouldn’t settle.

At this point I felt like my hair was going to fall out.

Then at night (Tuesday night), Mojuju brought Mr. Monday to me and told me he was complaining of anal pain. This is a red herring, he has an anal fissure because he wipes his ass so clean that even his skin came off lol. While examining his butt and putting barrier cream for Monday, I felt the skin of his belly and back, then told him to show me his tongue. His tongue which had a thick white covering in the morning, is now fully red with small red bumps. Strawberry tongue, I thought to myself. I ran my hand up and down his back again. Sandpaper rash…exactly the same as the boy I once seen in my paediatric posting. I’ve only felt it once, but I could never forget the sensation of such tough skin texture.

“His fever is not going down even with neurofen,” Mojuju exclaimed.

“He has strawberry tongue and his skin feels like sandpaper,” I told him.

“What does that mean?” 

“I think he has scarlet fever. If he does, he needs antibiotics as soon as possible before he goes septic since it’s been 2 days. If it’s not scarlet fever, I’m scared that it could be kawasaki”.

“So I’ll bring him to A&E now—“

“But the skins on his hands aren’t peeling so I don’t think it’s Kawasa–”
Mr. Monday cried in the midst of our discussion, “I want to see doctor!”

So off Mr. Monday went with Mojuju to the paediatric hospital while I stayed home with Lil’ Tuesday who was struggling with chicken pox. It was 8 hours wait, they came home at 6.30 A.M.. Mojuju was furious. It appears Mr. Monday was triaged as viral fever and they had put him at the bottom of the list. Even children that came hours after Monday was seen earlier. I was just relieved that Monday was seen, and that he did not need any hospitalisation.

“I told them, ‘look, it’s either scarlet fever, or Kawasaki, choose one quick’,” Mojuju explained. His eyes were weary from being awake all night.
“So what was it?”

“It was scarlet fever. Monday got some antibiotics now”

Continue reading “Mr. Monday infected by Group A Strep aka Scarlet Fever!!! Then Lil’ Tuesday…” →

Kawasaki Disease is a serious illness usually found in children under the age of 5

As per NHS website;

A child with Kawasaki disease has a high temperature that lasts for 5 days or longer, and possibly 1 or more of the following symptoms:

  • a rash
  • swollen glands in the neck
  • dry, red cracked lips
  • a swollen, bumpy, red tongue (“strawberry tongue”)
  • red inside the mouth and at the back of the throat
  • swollen and red hands and feet
  • red eyes

Kawasaki Disease in Infants & Young Children - HealthyChildren.org

basically the child is RAGING RED; HOT, RED EVERYWHERE AND IRRITABLE!

Continue reading “Kawasaki Disease and what you need to know.” →

I was ashamed when I was first diagnosed 4 years ago. Despite mental health issues prevalence of 1 in every 4 people, it wasn’t a norm, it wasn’t publicly accepted. Now I no longer hide. I openly disclose my depression in hopes to build awareness in others. I wont lie that deciding to write this post took a lot of courage. But if I could stop 1 single person from getting to where I was, it would be worth being judged by everyone. I really do not want anyone to go through the same, and I hope people would seek help instead of hiding behind a mask.

That wasn’t how I started however. I didn’t felt ‘unhappy’. I didn’t avoid seeing my GP or refused to seek help for my mental health. I didn’t know I was depressed. I was a relatively happy-go-lucky A&E doctor. I loved my job, I love my patients and most importantly I love my colleagues. I laughed at work with my colleagues, made jokes to cheer up my unfortunate patients. Did I notice something was amiss? No.

Continue reading “I have depression and please stop telling me to cheer up.” →

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