Category: Journal

Those who knows me since my teenage years might know the rocky relationship I had with my mom. But since about a decade ago our relationship began to bloom. Some were curious about why and how things had changed so drastically for us. So I’d like to let you know just why my mom is the best mom in the world.

1. She did not give up on me.

I was actually born in times of poverty, when my dad was unable to feed an extra mouth. She actually received offers from other childless or daughterless parents to have me sold. But she didn’t. (This was very common back in the days in my country)

She bit her tongue and went back to work just in a week or so after I was born, in order to earn enough money to support my existance. When I was really young she used to show me the people who offered to buy and and said “no way in hell I’ll ever give my child away. I can never imagine having you calling me auntie… “.

Of course there are many parents in the world that simply isn’t as lucky as her to keep their children. I’m not pointing fingers to those who had to give up their children, but my point is …. My mom fought hard to keep me beside her.

2. Despite not being a physically affectionate person, she tries to give me the best in life.

I was born during the era where mothers are lied to by false advertisement that formula milk are better than breast milk. She didn’t just fed me formula milk. She fed me the most expensive formula milk on the shelf despite our family’s poor financial status. I believe it was called S22: which ironically its nutrition content is the most similar to breastmilk compared to other brands at that time.

I was also for some reason very sensitive to diapers. She had to use cloth diapers on me despite it being a massive fuss. One of my aunt actually commented that I was spoilt by being fed expensive milk AND being a ‘princess’ with my diaper situation. My mom was annoyed at that comment but nevertheless continued to provide me the best.

Unfortunately, mom isn’t a cuddly person. She’s kinda old school. She doesn’t hug or kiss and has a large personal bubble. I think I yearn for physical affirmation of love when I was younger, hence I always felt like something is missing. But now that I’m older, I could see that she simply has a different language of love.

3. She wanted me to feel loved.

My baby sister might be the favourite child, but I know she loves me too. Dad… isn’t the most responsive parent: he’s just… A better dad to teens than little toddlers. In fact he’s TERRIFIED of babies. Mr Monday was the first newborn he ever held—- because he flat refused to hold my sister and I when we were newborn. He’s so afraid of breaking and dropping us.

Mom would often try to compensate that. But when it’s time for Chinese New Year and our birthdays, dad would never remember. It was mom who would buy us presents and ang pau and pretend that it’s from dad. Of course as I grew older I realised this! But it really showed that she tries twice as hard.

You know what’s interesting? I find myself doing the same for Mr. Monday and Lil’Tuesday! 🤣 Mojojojo is really hopeless in remembering dates or even preparing gifts for the kids….

4. During our rocky years, mom was actually suffering alone.

We had a really bad relationship when I was a teen. She was always yelling… A lot of stuff happened. It took me to be an adult to see clearly what had actually happened.

Mom definitely had some form of postnatal depression. But mental health is something unspoken in my country – – – even now! Not only that, I was going through my teenage phase (do I need to say more?). Both of us were misunderstanding each other, one thing lead to another: suddenly I’m the world worst daughter. 😭 If only I knew what she was going through: but no one did. She basically went through such horrible time on her own.

Not only she possibly had undiagnosed PND, our house financial were so bad…. We were at one point struggling to put food on our table. Dad kept working harder and ended up away from home most days, and mom had to struggle on her own, with a newborn (my sister) and a hormonally imbalance teen (me). Mom never truly voice out financial concerns but I was smart enough to know.

When things started to look a little better, she then hit premenopausal phase of her life… It’d do sad that she couldn’t get a break in life.

5. She’s a commendable wife and mother

She has never once bad mouthed dad to us despite dad is a man, and generally all men are idiots 🤣. Dad never helped out at home, and she’d never breathe a word about it. Even when they had their own arguments (big or small), she’s always reluctant to let me know what dumb things dad did (dad’s a man, we all agree that men are always at fault right? 🤣).

Infact, mom would always tell us what an amazing person dad is. How kind he is, how family orientated he is. Even during arguments she would turn around and say “but always remember, your dad is a great father”. So I grew up with a very positive feelings for my dad.

Never once my mom spoke negatively of my dad so that I would side her in an argument. And I love that about her. I have seen too many toxic parents trying to weaponise their own child to attack the other parent/ex.

Never once she tries to manipulate me for her own benefit which I also first hand see a lot other toxic parents do.

6. But last of all, I know my mom has a kind heart.

I won’t deny she’s a little socially awkward; maybe that’s why my sis and I also grew up to be introverted socially inept people 😭. But beneath all her shy and awkward self is a kind, loving and selfless woman.

There’s 2 types of kind people: one be kind to BE a kind person. He or she might not expect any reward, but is seeking to accomplish the self ego of being kind. To gain the title as a kind person.

The second kind person are kind without even the thought of wanting to appear as a kind person, or be a kind person. He or she simply cannot turn their head away from suffering without lending a hand. This, is my mom.

Mom never spoke about her kindness or helping hand. She gives and feeds others without ever wanting anyone to know. She often offer car ride to elderly pedestrian when I was young— and I only know this because I WAS IN THE CAR! But no one ever knows about it except me. She used to carry dead cats from the middle of the road to the side whenever we come across one bring hit by others car. She also often bring other children who are less fortunate to go for movies and meals.

What I love about her is that she never, ever, ever told anyone : or feel the need to be acknowledged for all the love and kindness she gave to others.

SO YES, after a stormy teenage and early 20s years, I have come to realise I have an amazing woman as my mother and I am forever grateful for her. ❤️

P/s: yes I’m a shitty daughter to realise this so late but better late than never!