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I recently celebrated my 33rd birthday, a day after my final exam to complete my training.

The exam date was given at random, but it was for the week of my birthday. I was expecting it to be on my birthday… Because ever since I’m a child EXAMS ALWAYS FALLS ON MY BIRTHDAY 😭😭😭 #Octoberbaby

Luckily it wasn’t, and I took the rest of the week off to celebrate my birthday. I mean honestly I’m not going to go work after an exhausting exam AS WELL AS MY BIRTHDAY! πŸŽ‚πŸŽ‰ The exam went well, thanks for asking all of you! Of course I wouldn’t know the results but I’m optimistic… I mean it can’t be that bad right? 🀞

I planned my birthday well I think πŸ˜‚ no one else is going to plan it for me at this geriatric age! So I called my best friend IO out. She’s a surgeon and was coincidentally on her research week. We had a really nice meal at Chaiwala, followed by a nice Thai massage. πŸ’† We had such a good fun!! The massage was so worth it. I wonder why I didn’t treat myself earlier!!!

The masseuse asked me what have I done to my back— because it was SO SUPER STIFF. πŸ˜‚ I didn’t do anything though… I think it’s all the housework and manual labour at home. I don’t go gym and my job is pretty much sedentary. She then go up my shoulder and was again shocked at the amount of knots I have. I FELT SO SOFT AND WOBBLY AFTER THE MASSAGE!!

Seriously if you haven’t gone for a massage before, it’s time to try! Don’t go to the British one though… They don’t really do much. It’s like they are just wiping your body with essential oil πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

My sister Q wanted to make me our family traditional birthday dinner but Mojuju didn’t get the grocery in time so we had to eat out. The restaurant’s standard really dropped though. Not sure what happened. The chef must be in bad mood πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Everyone at work was so nice to me when I came back fro my leave. ❀️❀️❀️❀️πŸ₯° I’m honestly so so lucky to be so loved everywhere I work in. I hope my new workplace next year will also be the same 😞😞😞. Honestly, I’m already dreading leaving the practice after my contract ends. They have been so supportive throughout difficult times. They helped restore my self confidence and made me realise the importance of putting myself first.

Only a happy mother can raise happy children.πŸ’ž

And only a well doctor can help their patients. πŸ”₯

I never realised how much I enjoy reality show until recently. I never liked things like Love Island because I find the content really crude, so when Mojuju was watching them, I’d be doing housework.

However recently my sister has started her studies nearby and live with us whenever she’s not on her placement (I don’t understand how the uni thinks it’s acceptable to dispatch students all over the UK and swapping the location every 3months!!). With her around we started watching some really good Korean reality show.

We went through 2 seasons of Physical 100, and just finished Culinary Class Wars. It reminded me of the Iron Chef I used to watch as a child and always looking forward to it. I always rooted for the Asian looking chef πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

We both glanced through the Influencer Survivor and said “Oh wow I don’t think I care about influences” but after the trailer we couldn’t resist πŸ˜…. We started watching episode 1 and couldn’t stop until we saw the results in episode 2.

Why are reality show so interesting?? SisQ kept saying “omg I feel like I’m so normal compared to them”, while I was like “omg I’m so tired just watching their energy”. There were this guy who was wearing a trousers with a cut hole to reveal his underpants, who was SO ENERGETIC the whole time!

I also saw a Korean actor Jang Keun Suk who really shocked me. Why does he have to be an influencer when he’s literally one of the most famous Korean actors!? Shocking line up. And he was so hated by everyone for no reason 😭😭 did you know he was diagnosed with cancer during the reality show and didn’t tell anyone? Jeeezzzz. And those people were so mean!

Anyhow you should really watch his introductory video in the show πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ I was laughing for so long ROFL

My professional exams are over!

I can’t believe at this age over 30 and being a mother of two, as well as a doctor I am still having to go through hoops of exams 😷

However today MIGHT be the last!! I think I did OK guys. So yes sorry for the hiatus but I’ve been working hard.

I’ve recently also signed up to music classes for myself! I thought I should really start doing something for my own mental health and start looking after myself.

I’ll keep you guys updated about my results! I’m positive… But don’t really want to give myself too high of an expectations….. So I’ll stop myself here πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

My mom’s birthday and I couldn’t get home to celebrate with her 😭😭😭 all because I’m applying to stay in the country long term and is in between my application.

I’m hoping to fly home ASAP to see my patents with Mr Monday and Princess Tuesday but I think it would be around late December or early January when we can finally travel.

My mom is really amped up about Chinese new year next year. It would also be Monday and Tuesday’s first Chinese new year back home. It’s gonna be a biggggg deal for them πŸ˜‚ imagine them collecting red packets from everyone.

Sigh I can’t wait for it. My sister has flew back this week and left me alone 😭 she’s even sending me all the snacks photo. How crafty!!

Guyssss I had the best weekend ever my whole life. I MET MY CHILDHOOD SAVIOUR AVRIL LAVIGNE!!!

I finally get to see her in flesh!

I can’t believe it took me 22 years to actually finally meet her. What stopped me for so long? Prioritising everything else… And financial constraints. 😭

I booked the tickets in April when I found out she was going to perform in U.K. again. Unfortunately all other venues were sold out instantly and the only option I had left was Bedford – for 2 tickets as a package with hotel accompanied. I took my sister Qyuni with me because who else can I bring? 🀣☠️

Continue reading “Seeing Avril Lavigne for the first time!” →

I have been thinking a lot of popo, my late maternal grandma who is the only living grandparent I had when I was young.

She was of a Peranakan ethnic, and was never great at speaking Chinese. I was educated in a local school instead of a Chinese school and hence maybe that was why she always dotted on me.

Popo was quiet, even her tantrums were quiet. She always wear sarong at home like a true Nyonya, and always make great Nyonya dishes. She doesn’t seem to enjoy cooking though…

I wonder why none of us didn’t continue her culture and heritage. Maybe a part of us felt like it was outdated. It was also clashing with our identity as Chinese. We were never Chinese enough, especially me who was never educated in a Chinese school. Then came Western influence which was considered cool. Because I couldn’t fit in the Chinese group, I went into a completely English speaking group of friends.

Having children now, I felt like I should embrace all the culture in my blood. I want them to know the origin of their family tree. I want them to understand who they are.

And thus, we shall begin with my very favourite: fashion.

One of our chickens (小白）is now broody again as we’re again blessed by the spring. She wouldn’t stop sitting on the eggs and hoarding them, so we had to separate her from the rest of the flock because we couldn’t break her broodiness.

I watched her turned each eggs under her with her beak as she was meant to do. Apparently even if eggs are incubated artificially, we have to turn them around regularly to stop the chicks from sticking onto the shells. They’d die if they’re stuck to the shells when the break out of them.

I wonder how 小白even knows that. It’s not like she read about it, or she had any precious experience with it. Ah, it must be genetically written into her. A tendency in nature. Something that does not need to be taught as its already been written down in their DNA like an instruction manual.

We humans are so segregated by nature. If it wasn’t the Internet advice, I wouldn’t have known that I must not lie on my back when I was pregnant as it would compress on the blood vessels supplying the placenta. I mean would you even know??? It’s even more absurd that for centuries we taught mothers to resist their motherly urge to cuddle their crying baby at night. And in this day and age we even need breastfeeding advice to teach us the correct way to latch a baby to feed on our nipples. Nearly 80% of breastfeeding failure are due to poor latch.

It made me realise that maybe it’s time for us to go back to nature. Or maybe it’s too late, and we are now all just a lost flock of mammals who will never regain the instincts once blessed by nature to us.

After alot of self reflection and going through things with therapist, family and close peeps, I have been told repeatedly that I do not love myself.

It did not came to me as a surprise, it just hurts that everyone sees it but I’ve been denying it.

Maybe because I was never truly experienced unconditional love.

Or maybe I just always feel the need to please others first.

So I’ve started a journey of self love.

And you know what? Contrary to what others think, trying to love myself is really difficult. And I’m starting to realise that it’s probably difficult to everyone.

The first question lies in: what does it mean to love myself?

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