Author: Princess Ichigo

I make comics and dreams.

I have been thinking a lot of popo, my late maternal grandma who is the only living grandparent I had when I was young.

She was of a Peranakan ethnic, and was never great at speaking Chinese. I was educated in a local school instead of a Chinese school and hence maybe that was why she always dotted on me.

Popo was quiet, even her tantrums were quiet. She always wear sarong at home like a true Nyonya, and always make great Nyonya dishes. She doesn’t seem to enjoy cooking though…

I wonder why none of us didn’t continue her culture and heritage. Maybe a part of us felt like it was outdated. It was also clashing with our identity as Chinese. We were never Chinese enough, especially me who was never educated in a Chinese school. Then came Western influence which was considered cool. Because I couldn’t fit in the Chinese group, I went into a completely English speaking group of friends.

Having children now, I felt like I should embrace all the culture in my blood. I want them to know the origin of their family tree. I want them to understand who they are.

And thus, we shall begin with my very favourite: fashion.

One of our chickens (小白）is now broody again as we’re again blessed by the spring. She wouldn’t stop sitting on the eggs and hoarding them, so we had to separate her from the rest of the flock because we couldn’t break her broodiness.

I watched her turned each eggs under her with her beak as she was meant to do. Apparently even if eggs are incubated artificially, we have to turn them around regularly to stop the chicks from sticking onto the shells. They’d die if they’re stuck to the shells when the break out of them.

I wonder how 小白even knows that. It’s not like she read about it, or she had any precious experience with it. Ah, it must be genetically written into her. A tendency in nature. Something that does not need to be taught as its already been written down in their DNA like an instruction manual.

We humans are so segregated by nature. If it wasn’t the Internet advice, I wouldn’t have known that I must not lie on my back when I was pregnant as it would compress on the blood vessels supplying the placenta. I mean would you even know??? It’s even more absurd that for centuries we taught mothers to resist their motherly urge to cuddle their crying baby at night. And in this day and age we even need breastfeeding advice to teach us the correct way to latch a baby to feed on our nipples. Nearly 80% of breastfeeding failure are due to poor latch.

It made me realise that maybe it’s time for us to go back to nature. Or maybe it’s too late, and we are now all just a lost flock of mammals who will never regain the instincts once blessed by nature to us.

After alot of self reflection and going through things with therapist, family and close peeps, I have been told repeatedly that I do not love myself.

It did not came to me as a surprise, it just hurts that everyone sees it but I’ve been denying it.

Maybe because I was never truly experienced unconditional love.

Or maybe I just always feel the need to please others first.

So I’ve started a journey of self love.

And you know what? Contrary to what others think, trying to love myself is really difficult. And I’m starting to realise that it’s probably difficult to everyone.

The first question lies in: what does it mean to love myself?

I was asked if I would forgive a certain mortal.

Truth to be told, I have forgave many

Many whom had wounded my heart.

I have forgotten many cuts, many burns.

Never have I believe in resentment.

Never had I failed.

But never have I thought too there would be a mortal,

Who is undeserving of any forgiveness in the world.

Do not resent the road you paved with trifling jealousy.

Resent choice.

Resent yourself.

My supervisor at work has introduced me to putting marmite onto my toast.

LIFE CHANGING

So I’ve been doing it at home with an XO marmite 😂 (yes I’m extreme). There’s actually an Xtra Old version of marmite by the same company! The flavour is so much more packed with the same level of saltiness! 🥹

What’s shocking to me is my sister gave me the ew face 😱 then when we were talking during my breakfast with me holding my toast, she was saying “oh why does it smell so bad here”, and then realised I was holding a marmite toast.

“oh, it’s your marmite that smells bad”

WELL YOUUUUU SMELLS BAD QYUNIIIIIIIII 😱😡😤

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